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Booze-Infused Jerky Crate
$109.99
Story
Cowcaholics A-nom-nom-nonymous
Alcohol affects people differently: some become more talkative, some funnier, and some friskier, but when it comes to cows, alcohol just makes them more delicious...and maybe also friskier.
We’re not sure how they’re getting their buzz on—perhaps they’re grazing on fermented veggies or maybe their hooves have evolved to open bottles—but we do know “Cowcaholism” on the range is as widespread as it is utterly hilarious.
If you thought cow-tipping was funny, imagine “cow-tipsying,” where a one-ton, hot mess of a cow topples over of its own drunken accord. The fall of such docile beasts have given rise to our stampede of inebriated beef, the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate.
A cow walks into a bar...
By weight, the average-sized cow can down 57 standard drinks per hour (almost 1 per minute) and still be within the legal limits of operating a vehicle or motorized tractor.
At maximum capacity, the average cow’s four stomachs can hold upwards of 62 gallons of liquid, more than a barrel of Jack Daniels (53 gallons). If only that were enough alcohol to satiate their demons.
The good news is, this means the tender beef of the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate has been marinating in a saloon’s worth of alcohol (from the inside-out) for the better half of a bovine lifetime. The results, delicious, buzzed beef jerky.
Go home beef jerky, you’re drunk.
We didn’t just cure the easy-capture, beer-bellied beef bodies, we’ve herded up cows with diversified tastes from Whiskey Straight to Rum or a wide spectrum of alcohol flavors for your jerky fix.
The full lineup of cattle intoxication includes: Whiskey Sausage, IPA, Chipotle Tequila, and Caribbean Rum to act as a quick brunch/hangover cure.
Throwdown a double-shot of beef and booze in one bite with the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate.
See more
- Caribbean Rum Jerky - 2.5 oz
- Beer Sausage Sticks - 4 oz
- Carnivore Candy Draft Ale Beef Jerky - 1.8 oz
- California Wine Beef Jerky - 1.75 oz
How it ships
THE MAN CRATE'S EXPERIENCE
Get The Crowbar Out
Every crate take a tool
or two to get open.
Warm Up First
If it was easy everyone would have a Man Crate.
Have Fun
Once it’s open it’s party
time, enjoy.